Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life?: An absolutely hilarious, laugh out loud page turner

· Bookouture
4.5
29 reviews
Ebook
350
Pages

About this ebook

‘One of the funniest books I have read. Ever!… I absolutely LOVED this book and I just know that it’s going to be in my top books of the year!’ Star Crossed Reviews, ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

 

It’s normal for your washing machine to get more action than you, right?

 

I wake up, bleary-eyed.

 

It’s been two years, six months and three hours since I last shaved my legs, and the llama-patterned knickers I’m wearing have seen better days.

 

We have seven minutes before the kids wake up, and my husband shuffles closer. ‘Ouch,’ he says, a piece of Lego sticking into his back.

 

Then, a light comes on in the landing. Small footsteps creep down the stairs. A little voice screams, ‘IS SOMEONE COMING TO MAKE BREAKFAST?!’

 

All hope of having some ‘alone time’ is replaced with wondering if we’ve run out of Cheerios, thinking about the overflowing laundry, and remembering that I forgot to take out the recycling. Again.

 

Just a typical Monday morning for the Morton family…

 

Except today, when I go downstairs in my dressing gown, I find something. Something belonging to my husband. Something that definitely wasn’t in the wedding vows. And it’s either going to make us… or break us.

 

An utterly hilarious and unmissable novel for anyone who has ever felt like they spend more time washing the dishes than getting lucky. Fans of Why Mummy Drinks and The Unmumsy Mum, and rom-coms by Sophie Ranald and Sophie Kinsella, will ugly laugh at this gloriously funny and relatable read.

 

Readers totally love Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life?:


‘Absolutely hilarious!! Seriously, I haven’t been able to put this one down!… I have not stopped laughing… One of those books which is perfect after a stressful day because you are guaranteed to laugh out loud… Loved it… Devoured this book in just a few hours… Impossible to put down.’ Little Miss Book Lover 87, ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐


‘I’ve read books which have made me laugh before – but this time I couldn't stop!… I have giggled hysterically… It's so very, very funny! My long suffering other-half is used to me giggling maniacally when I'm reading, but this took things to a whole new level… A right good laugh… Absolutely hilarious… Yes, it's THAT funny! Without a doubt, worth a full house of stars.’ Grace J Reviewer Lady, ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

 

‘Oh my days… I was howling in bed! The hubby wasn’t happy… Said that amount of laughter should not be coming from the bedroom!’ Emma the Little Book Worm, ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐


‘Tears were running down my face, I was laughing so hard.’ I Am Indeed, ⭐⭐⭐⭐


‘Hilarious. It will have you laughing out loud from beginning to end! Brilliant… I’m still smiling about this book now.’ Between the Pages Book Club, ⭐⭐⭐⭐


‘I just could not stop laughing.’ Crossroad Reviews, ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐


‘Whoa!!... Kept me laughing… Had me in splits… This book was perfect.’ Shalini’s Books & Reviews, ⭐⭐⭐⭐


‘Absolutely brilliant… I have never laughed aloud so much when reading… I so want this book to be the bestseller of 2020… Safe to say I will be gifting copies of this book to my female friends.’ Goodreads Reviewer, ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐


‘Hilarious… Had me laughing out loud… I genuinely loved this book.’ The Bespectacled Bibliophile, ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐


‘A laugh-a-minute comedy… I began laughing at about page 2 and didn’t stop until the end… Funny-as-hell!! I challenge anyone, man or woman, to read this book and not find at least one bit of it where you can say “yep…that’s my life”!!! This is a book that I started reading with tears in my eyes from laughing and rounded it off wonderfully with tears of sadness!!!… Fab, fab, fab!!!’ Stardust Book Reviews, ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

 

‘There are funny books that make me smile and there are hilarious books that make me laugh out loud. For me this one definitely belongs in the latter category… I totally adored it.’ B for Book Review, ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐


‘The laughs never stopped… Will give you a good bellyache from laughter.’ DarnCuteBookReviewGirl, ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Ratings and reviews

4.5
29 reviews
Gaele Hi
February 14, 2020
Meg and Danny have been together ten years, with three little girls under 7, a dog named Mr. T, a postman named Pat (truly) and a rather ‘bleh’ sex life. Between kids, work, the daily sameness and more than a bit of “comfortableness’ with one another – things have hit a rut. Until the postman delivers a large package containing a sparkly, blue, very large dildo, and the reporter in Meg goes investigating. Starting off a bit slow where the “southern girl” Meg meets Danny and his brother, and the ensuing relationship and marriage. What wasn’t in the cards as she loved her job as an editor of a fashion magazine and the stories she did – was to move to the Lakes District where Danny takes over the family paper business and reconnects with literally (it feels) everyone he knew, dated, shagged or even wronged growing up in the area. And he and his younger brother were boys into everything. Aside from the double-take that Meg does repeatedly with the Northern slang and peculiar verb tenses, and her questions (or questioning ) nature. And having worries that Danny is ‘playing away’ for excitement, that she’s not enough – things take several twists. There were reasons that she married Danny: his charm or ability to share were not among them – but slowly, and together, after a few missteps and a giant stuffed animal wearing a strap on, the story twists and turns to bring them ever closer together, even as she sees (and understands) just how unhappy Danny is running the Paper Factory – but he’s the type to do what is right for everyone else first. With a sketchbook full of drawings, a bounty offered for the identity of an artist with a half-million followers on social media, letters with offers of money, contracts and fame – the two must find a way to come together and balance the ‘secret’ that Meg, the world’s worst secret keeper, and Danny now share – oh and did I mention younger brother stepping up to help with childcare – and using his very brilliant brain - before he dashed off on yet another ‘adventure’ sans job to provide another person to bounce ideas off, as well as keeping them both protected. There were parts where tears were running down my face, I was laughing so hard: the Captain Mintcake secret, the very honest portrayal of Meg’s worries, her often slapstick sort of family and being bailed out of the local by Dan’s mother (who was NOT pleased, mind) brought their struggles and their bond to the forefront of the story- and you felt and believed every moment. If only every marriage or relationship in a bit of trouble had the ability to stop and regroup, with plenty of laughter, support and a few missteps – to move on. Beware – those of you who don’t appreciate sex – talking about it, referring to it, swearing, discussion of bits and bobs – this should be a miss for you – understand that Meg knows that her husband and brother-in-law are like 12 year old boys chatting about girls – with no adults about. I received an eArc copy of the title from the publisher via NetGalley for purpose of honest review. I was not compensated for this review: all conclusions are my own responsibility.
Alison Robinson
August 8, 2020
Danny and Meg have been married for years, they have three kids and a flatulent dog. Their love life is perfunctory, especially since Meg has only recently given birth, and has to be executed in between demanding children, interfering family members, two careers and a small baby. But Meg thinks everything is pretty good, heck they almost managed to 'do it' that morning, until the morning's post includes a very large blue dildo addressed to Danny. Suddenly Meg feels inadequate, unlovable and more than a little confused. Huge warning, if discussion of sex toys makes you uncomfortable this is not the book for you. However, if you enjoyed Why Mummy Drinks then I think you will enjoy this funny and frank story about what happens when you discover your husband has a big secret he's been hiding from you. Very funny and definitely laugh out loud.
2 people found this review helpful
DJ Sakata
February 18, 2020
I smirked, giggle-snorted, and barked with gleeful mirth throughout this cleverly penned and superbly crafted tale. This was my first exposure to the beguilingly wondrous wit of Kristen Bailey and I became a rabid fangirl halfway through page one. Her engaging writing style was crisp, rib-tickling, rife with smart edgy banter and humorous innuendo, and called up delightfully amusing visuals that danced behind my eyes. I am greedy for all her past and future words and have added her name to the top of my List Of Favorite Cool Beings.
1 person found this review helpful

Reading information

Smartphones and tablets
Install the Google Play Books app for Android and iPad/iPhone. It syncs automatically with your account and allows you to read online or offline wherever you are.
Laptops and computers
You can listen to audiobooks purchased on Google Play using your computer's web browser.
eReaders and other devices
To read on e-ink devices like Kobo eReaders, you'll need to download a file and transfer it to your device. Follow the detailed Help Center instructions to transfer the files to supported eReaders.